Nip & Tuck

Being a Kings fan during their earliest inception was like dating a cute butt ugly high school girl whose wacky father kept getting her botched plastic surgery instead of putting money away for her college education.
When the NHL expanded to 12 teams in 1967, the Los Angeles Kings, in the the most ironic draft lottery ever, were awarded their one, their only, their unforgettable first overall draft pick, ever. They picked defenseman Rick Pagnutti number one overall. He played zero games in the NHL, overall. Not wanting to make that kind of mistake again, the Kings GM’s, from then on, treated first round draft picks like Get-out-of-jail-free Cards.
If you search the Kings’ all-time trade history page you will find “acquired (so-n-so) for a first-round draft choice” 12 times in the Kings’ first 15 seasons. 5 in the first 6 years. Thanks to owner Jack Cant Cook’s obsession with using veteran “Big name” players to win, NOW, loyal Kings GM’s Larry Regan and Jake Milford, who were poor at recognizing young talent to begin with, adhered closely to Cooke’s formula while adding a strong pinch of their own misguided overestimation of any player who played for Montreal. Everytime the Kings traded one of their draft choices we fans and management expected some knight in shining skateblades to rescue the fair (butt ugly) maiden, especially if they hailed from one of the legendary Original Six. Oh the great hopes (and 1st rounders) we had of becoming Montreal West. “We play in the Forum too!” I still can recall the parade of C/H veterans that were to be our purple and gold pillars: Gerry Desdesjardin, Ralph Backstrom, Rogie Vachon, Terry Harper, Bob Murdoch, and Steve Shutt! The speedy young Canadien guns that were sure to become the west coasts next big scorers; Glenn Goldup, Randy Rota, Murray Wilson “They’re so fast.” And then there were many other notables we got for 1st rounders in various years, Skip Krake, Ross Lonsberry and Eddie Shack and later goalie Ron Grahame from Boston , Gene Carr from the Rangers, Jerry Korab, Rick Martin from Buffalo in the early 80’s.

This dysfunctional team building strategy reached it's zenith with the acquisition of  (The French Connection's ) Rick Martin  for a 1st (Tom Barrasso) & 3rd rounder. He ended playing only 4 more games for the Kings than Pagnutti did.  The next most frustrating giveaway was a 1st round pick (Ray Borque)  for Ron Graham. Boston had 2 other great goalies and would've had to put one of them on waivers a few days after this deal went down.

Although the Kings never became big winners on the ice or at the box office under Cooke, his veteran team building wetdream finally came true in football, not hockey, with George Allen’s successful Over-the–Hill-Gang early in the 70’s. (Cooke was majority owner of the Washington Redskins, too.)

Meanwhile in LA LA Land, it was that lovable rogue Bruce McNall who made the ultimate nip and tuck when he acquired Wayne Gretzky for three first round picks. This was a facelift AND a boobjob replacing the cute butt ugly purple & gold daughter with a royal temptress who came within a seductive curve of becoming L.A.'s black and silver trophy wife.